I Hate Will And Kate

I know this is a predictable rant to have, but I really wish that the royal wedding would just fuck off. Not only is it costing the UK taxpayer millions of pounds for security arrangements (the exact amount remains undisclosed because the royal family and the British government know that it would kick up a shit-storm if working-class people discovered the exorbitant quantity they were being asked to provide), but also the news coverage is almost saturated with the event. I know that some people are monarchists and will enjoy ‘the big day’, but do even the most avid royalists truly care about when the wedding rehearsal is, and which royal family member has just left certain premises at any given time?! If they do, perhaps they need to learn how to socialise with other human beings. Personally, I’ll be getting drunk as soon as the pubs open on Friday (preferably in a pub without a huge TV showing the wedding!) and avoiding watching the loving couple at all costs in the vain hope that there will be some other likeminded people worth talking to in the local vicinity. And quietly - or more boisterously as the day wears on - I’ll be hoping that something bad happens to the grandiose occasion. Not anything extreme like a terrorist invasion; just something mild like Kate Middleton stumbling over on her way down the aisle, fracturing her ankle in the process and thereby being unable to continue her walk, causing the entire ceremony to be cancelled while Prince William literally pisses his pants in a state of panic. Yes, that should do nicely.