Five Olympic Dreams ... Kind Of

So, the Olympics are upon us, and I’m not really bothered. Well, I’m bothered that the B.B.C. Parliament Channel has been temporarily replaced by Olympic coverage; apparently politics - you know, the governing of the world - is less important than sport. And I’m bothered that the opening ceremony is being given a two hour countdown programme; I don’t mean the show that used to be hosted by Richard Whiteley, I mean literally two hours of counting down. Therefore, here are five suggestions for alternative activities that you could be doing instead of watching the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games.

1. Go for a walk. It may sound simple, but most vapid members of society will be watching the ceremony with simplistic awe and fascination, so you would probably only be sharing the streets / countryside with other cool folks.

2. Have a drink in a local pub. Of course be sure to pick one without a television set in order to avoid the deluded pomp and grandeur; then strike up a conversation with another fellow drinker and advance local community spirit.

3. If you know someone who is willing to have sex with you, try to break Olympic records for duration!

4. Phone up your local M.P. and inform them that national identity has more to it than just sport. Rant on about all of your concerns for this country until they’ve missed at least half of the ceremony.

5. Just enjoy the sunshine - you know it’s not gonna be here for long.